EmoRebo

You know how it is when you have a favourite restaurant and even though you've only been going there, for let's say, just over a year, there was some problem and they had to close down.

It wasn't just 1 specific item on the menu or any thing in particular, but it was the familiarity and the ease with which you could just speak to the manager and ask for specific things done to your order. It was like home. After years of just making do with generic stuff, this was a huge upgrade.

And it was nourishing and lifted your spirits and gave you a reason to smile.

And just as you're coming into the 2nd year of being a regular at this establishment, something's happened and it's just not the same any more.

So now, it's kinda out of the picture, you just end up looking for a replacement of sorts, a place that can give you that warm, fuzzy welcome and same sense of home. It is not a pretty process.

And then you sorta come across something that's high on the potential list and you feel that perhaps this might be something new to try. But as it turns out, this new joint is unreliable - erratic opening hours and the customer service is pretty crap.

So you end up feeling somewhat needy, and question why you cannot just breathe and go with the flow. Damn this emotional rebound business.

Deep, huh?

On second thoughts, please don't answer that.

Goodbye & Now What

A week ago today, I attended my grand-aunt's funeral in Singapore. She was 91, and succumbed to renal failure after a 4-week stay in the hospital, and when they could not do anything else for her, 2 more weeks in a hospice.

The last time that she remembered seeing me was a few days before Chinese New Year. I was on a 4-hour layover in Singapore before my connecting flight to KL - I was going to visit friends before CNY - and cabbed to the hospital to see my grandaunt. She had been given morphine to ease her discomfort, but had waken up to see me, and when she realized that it was me, said "Why did you waste money to come see me?" I love how her way of showing affection was self-effacing and a bit too logical. She complained to me about having back pains, and said she didn't know when she would get better. I told her to rest and not worry about that. Then I left to catch my flight to KL. 3 days later, on the even of Chinese New Year, I came back to see her, but she was sleeping a lot. And she was uncomfortable and agitated. When I flew back 3 days later, she was sleeping. On some levels, that's how I want to remember her last days.

Over the past week, I've been looking at old photos and the tears have been quite forceful. See, my grand-aunt was a lovely, kind woman who never raised her voice at me, and was always sweet and good-natured. My grand-aunt had raised my mum, who had lost her mum - my grandmother - when she was 6 months old.

When my sister was 15, she left home and lived with my grand-aunt. On my sister's 50th birthday last Friday, my grandaunt died. Too much to handle, all around.

I'm glad she's resting and no longer in pain. The mourning will continue for some time, I know.

But then there's Herman. I don't know what's the best thing to do, seeing as how even when we are/were together, we had quite separate lives. The intersection is getting narrower by the day, and this health issue he's dealing with scares me and worries me. And is making it challenging to be together.

I don't want to keep saying goodbye...

6 months?

Has it really been 6 months since I posted something here?

Let's just say that it's been a challenging summer, what with the tempering of realities on many levels. There have been tough days and some even tougher weeks.

And some ugly truths that I've had to contend with, face up to and decide how to move forward on. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you wonder. Truly.

I've also recently marked the 1st year of my being in a relationship. It's still lovely and wonderful and frustrating and scary and all the things that make life interesting. I worry for HT but at the same time, I can only live for the now. And maybe the next week.

And I'm happy to report that my 4th friend welcomed a baby this year, so here's to Lex, Lovella, Brandon & Madeleine - welcome to the club, kids.

It's Raining And I'm Loving It

An old friend - who I don't really know that well - recently started blogging. A bit late to the game, perhaps, but I guess we all have our timetables.

His most recent blog was about tea and coffee. About how we all have preferences. And what it says about us. I cringed. I rolled my eyes. Is this really that interesting? Yeah, I'm a snob. And a bitch. But you know that.

I'd much prefer to share with you the fact that during my recent visit to Singapore this past week, I was inundated with reunions. I met with my 2 orphaned cousins who I've not met in 15 years (I should get a medal, huh?), a good friend I lost touch with who I've not seen in 20 years or so, and another friend who I've known since I was 7 but have not met in 4 years.

My cousins made me think hard about family. Maybe it's cos' I'm 40 and something's kicked in, but my sis (their step-cousin) and I have decided to contribute a modest amount per month to help with household expenses.

And it was nice that after 20 years, Lay Hoon & I picked up from where we left off. It's true what they say about real friends - and no amount of time or distance can diminish the bond that you have and feel.

As for my friend Asrof, he's now a father of 2, and I'm glad that he's still the same guy I knew when we were 7 and then 17. Yes, gaps are allowed in friendships.

And yes, it is raining and it love it. I find rain very cleansing. And I love it more that I'm indoors.

And I like both coffee and tea. It just depends on what I feel like. No blogging necessary on that.

Have a good weekend.

Forty

Yup, it's finally here. I'm at Jeff version 4.0.

And this video was put together my friend Eugene, who really outdid himself. It was a good evening, with the right amount of emo, minus the drama.

Here's the video that brought on the low-level water-works.

Commitment

I think it's finally happened to me.

I'm not sure how this whole thing's gonna go, but I made a commitment to be with one person, and it feels right.

And you know what, I'm thrilled. And scared. And happy. And just going with the flow.

Methinks a short vacation somewhere might be in the works. I'll keep you posted.

Happy Easter.

Changes

It's funny how changing your relationship status to 'In a relationship' on Facebook, of all places, brought on a barrage of responses and comments from friends who were either surprised, happy, curious or just simply relieved.

Yup, relieved. And such a good feeling. I know there will be good days and bad ahead, but I know, at this moment, that I want them both. I hope I'll be strong enough and mature enough to deal with anything that comes my way. Our way.

HT is such a lovely person and so strong, too, though at the moment, it's not looking that way. I'm determined to be a good partner and friend.

Wish me luck and love.