The first time I took my HIV test years ago, I was afraid, I was nervous, I was rather mortified. It only takes 1 exposure, they tell you - which is true, by the way - so I prepared myself for the worst while still trying to stay positive, so to speak.
I was all prepared for whatever news came my way, but the counseling that the nurse gave me before the results made me feel like I was already exposed to the virus. It wasn't a good feeling. I kept thinking about how my life would be changed, how I would have to make all these adjustments in the social, the sexual, the emotional...but mainly the sexual. I was in my 20s, whatcha expect?
I tested negative then, as I did 2 weeks ago with my most recent blood test. While I waited for the results, the usual thoughts about "What if I'm positive" preoccupied my thoughts, but this time, I found myself thinking about my friends' children. I love spending time with these kids and I truly wanna be involved in their lives.
If I was positive, their parents may not feel comfortable about me playing with the children. That thought made me very sad.
Wow. I've grown up, I guess. Grown up enough to meet with a financial planner to sort out my business so that the folks will be OK if i drop dead. Grown up enough to do a complete bloodwork check and I'm glad to report that I'm healthy and all-clear.
I hope I haven't jinxed myself. Have you been tested?
2 comments:
i <3 you and if you were positive i'd still let you play with my kids. but no arts and crafts and running with scissors... :-) hehehee... but i'm glad you're not and think you're super super cool to make that post and ok ... now i'm going to stop going all wobbly on you...
A big "phew" and yay for testing negative. A big pat on the back for doing the test - like any blood test or medical test of any sort, it's not so much the physical test itself, it's the agony of the next 2 or 3 days after the test, wondering if you are/aren't, wondering what you should do if you are, praying to the God you haven't spoken to in the 6 or 12 months since your last test etc. It's that agony that's tough so good on you for going through all that crap! And you know you can play with Brandon any time! Plus you're more butch than most of his aunties so he kinda needs you :)
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