Evolution: I Do It Lonely

After 6 days in Bali, I'm back in KL - back to my 3 cats, my condo, my routine, my bed. It's good to be back home, i suppose, but this trip has definitely done something to me. I've seen, explored, discovered and let myself be open to things and feelings that I've either suppressed (because of work or the excuse of work) or simply ignored for a long, long time (for various reasons).

Stephen, my traveling bud, kept saying on our last day in Bali that you can never step into the same river twice, because the flowing water results in changes in the make-up of the river, no matter how minuscule. Which means that the river is in a constant state of flux. It's a great metaphor and with that in mind, here's where I'm at in this moment, post-Bali:

1. I pose in photographs because I'm not photogenic and feel that Zoolandering is an entertaining distraction from my discomfort...and I insist on photo approvals when I can get it. I know, I know, if you can't love yourself, yada yada yada...

2. I am a relatively low-maintenance traveler, which is surprising given that I am quite fussy when it comes to food and location and (you know this) internet connections. Maybe it was Bali, maybe it was traveling with Stephen. And maybe it was that plus the fact that I didn't want to be a spoilt tourist.

3. I found out that I snore. Be warned, future sleeping partners.

4. I'm grateful for knowing enough Bahasa Indonesia to be understood by the local Balinese. It makes me want to learn more languages.

5. I like meeting new people but I love making new friends.

6. I have allowed myself to become colder and harder in the last 6 months and I've allowed work to be the excuse. I love what I do, but I miss who I was. My week in Bali reacquainted me with the Jeff that wasn't always thinking about schedules or publicity campaigns or budgets or dealing with staff issues. I miss that Jeff so much.

6. As assertive and outspoken as I think I am, there are things that I just cannot say or ask for because I feel that I'm being inconvenient and selfish. How long have I been faking it that I can't even be honest with my feelings? Why do I feel like I have to be cool with things all the time? A wise friend said to me that it's not a case of who's right or who's wrong when it comes to feelings. I'm working on this.

7. A friend who asks for my honest opinion and then respects it despite his own judgment earns my respect and a boat-load of other emotions that I cannot even begin to describe. Thank you, Stephen.

8. I've not been this honest about my feelings in a long time. It scares me a little.

Yup, the trip's ended but the journey's definitely been changed. I like it.