One Week In

A week has passed and contact has been re-established, to some extent.

A week that's been equal parts emotional, challenging and draining. It's self-inflicted, yeah, but I've also got a new sense of clarity of what I want. I hope this lesson stays with me.

I've not shaved since I told YH about the bad stuff. The plan is to shave only after we meet again. I'm looking really scruffy. Fingers crossed.

And I Wait

3 days in. But at least we've got some contact. via msn messenger.

which is good. at least there is contact. yeah. contact is good. I think.

Control Alternate...

It's been said and done. I can only wait.

Honesty being the best policy so cannot be used in this instance. But then again, some say that I was just being selfish. You know, telling the truth to clear my conscience at the expense of someone's feelings.

I know what I said was sincere. My feelings were/are sincere. But I also know that no matter where the pain came from, it hurts just as bad.

Too many questions. I just want one thing.

I Screwed Up

So I meet a great sweet fella and after some false starts, we decide to see each other exclusively. Breaking news indeed, because it's my first de facto relationship.

Of course, when you've not had any proper relationship by the age of 39, you make do with the variety of affection that usually comes with no-strings, no follow-up, no fuss, no he's not going to call you on your birthday.

So maybe I was freaked out at this major step I was taking. Or I was just an asshole because I cheated. A month ago. No excuses. I'm an asshole.

This evening, after a very intimate and loving weekend, I decided to 'fess up. I wanted to be honest.

The look on his face broke my heart. I'm still not sure if I'm still in a relationship after today.

It hurts like hell.

Beautiful

Maybe it's because of my years associated with the music industry that I've always felt very invested in the Grammy awards. Last year, I skipped watching the 'live' telecast for the first time in more than 13 years...and didn't really miss it. Or maybe 'cos I was busy at work. Or maybe it was a boring year for music.

This year's different. I've had a blah couple of weeks, work's not engaging me at the moment, I'm recovering from some weird sty on my eye, and I'm feeling exceptionally needy, what with not having spent any face time with the one who stayed over.

The eye's still acting up slightly so I'm on sick leave today, and had the Grammy's for company. Big year for Beyonce, Lady Gaga & Taylor Swift. But this moment during the award show was unexpected, beautiful and in my opinion, stole the show with its classy showmanship and Pink's underrated strong vocals. Don't know how long this is going to be on the internet, but enjoy this work of art while it's still online.



Art.