And I Wait

3 days in. But at least we've got some contact. via msn messenger.

which is good. at least there is contact. yeah. contact is good. I think.

Control Alternate...

It's been said and done. I can only wait.

Honesty being the best policy so cannot be used in this instance. But then again, some say that I was just being selfish. You know, telling the truth to clear my conscience at the expense of someone's feelings.

I know what I said was sincere. My feelings were/are sincere. But I also know that no matter where the pain came from, it hurts just as bad.

Too many questions. I just want one thing.

I Screwed Up

So I meet a great sweet fella and after some false starts, we decide to see each other exclusively. Breaking news indeed, because it's my first de facto relationship.

Of course, when you've not had any proper relationship by the age of 39, you make do with the variety of affection that usually comes with no-strings, no follow-up, no fuss, no he's not going to call you on your birthday.

So maybe I was freaked out at this major step I was taking. Or I was just an asshole because I cheated. A month ago. No excuses. I'm an asshole.

This evening, after a very intimate and loving weekend, I decided to 'fess up. I wanted to be honest.

The look on his face broke my heart. I'm still not sure if I'm still in a relationship after today.

It hurts like hell.

Beautiful

Maybe it's because of my years associated with the music industry that I've always felt very invested in the Grammy awards. Last year, I skipped watching the 'live' telecast for the first time in more than 13 years...and didn't really miss it. Or maybe 'cos I was busy at work. Or maybe it was a boring year for music.

This year's different. I've had a blah couple of weeks, work's not engaging me at the moment, I'm recovering from some weird sty on my eye, and I'm feeling exceptionally needy, what with not having spent any face time with the one who stayed over.

The eye's still acting up slightly so I'm on sick leave today, and had the Grammy's for company. Big year for Beyonce, Lady Gaga & Taylor Swift. But this moment during the award show was unexpected, beautiful and in my opinion, stole the show with its classy showmanship and Pink's underrated strong vocals. Don't know how long this is going to be on the internet, but enjoy this work of art while it's still online.



Art.

It's All New

It's sorta 2 months into this new relationship, and yeah, I do have those nervous moments and curious minutes where I'm not sure if I can impose, if I should impose. 'Cos you know how it's a thin line between cool fella to raving lunatic.

And I guess it's only natural to have these moments when adjustments are being made, when you're trying to create new routines, and find common things that you both want to do.

It's all new. And some days, it's equal parts fun and scary. Call me a worrier.

But HT is lovely and sweet and lovable and it's quite a heady mix. Bless.

Work's boring me somewhat, and I'm hoping this will pass. Plus this stye on my eye (or is that sty) is so not helping with my general mood. Oh, and the whole tax/bills/money/mum thing is also causing some measure of chagrin.

Yeah, I used chagrin in a sentence. Sue me. How was your week?

Rainy January Morning

Just when I thought I was getting used to the HK winter and it gets cold again this morning. Thank goodness for terry cloth towels.

Anyway, so I've started dating. 6 months to my 40th birthday. Interesting. Enjoying it. I feel pretty grown up, and we've actually had a few chat about heavy-going serious matters.

It's a scary but good feeling.

And I also came along this brilliant blog that a woman started, listing down the rich material that her sleep-talking husband comes up with. You can't make this up stuff up:

"I can't control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!"
"Ooh! My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?"
"I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."
"By the way, washing in rose water doesn't stop you smelling like a piece of shit."

Read more about Sleep Talkin' Man's mumblings here.

This past weekend, I checked out Boring Ego's blog and saw BiPolo man at the bar down the road. Random. And then I had lunch with HT and walked HT home, which was quite lovely.

Have a good week ahead. Kiss kiss.

Happy Holidays

How was your Christmas break? I have a friend staying with me. And his friends brought on their fair share of drama over the holidays.

The cougar got super drunk and passed out in the washroom of a nice bar we were at. And the childish one got drunk and decided to pee next to the DJ console in a club.

And I've started to date. Like, properly. Which is nice and strange and just a little bit scary. Early days. Wish me luck.

And no more drunk holidaying friends for 2010, please!

Have you watched Avatar yet?