The Inescapability Of India

Over the past week or so, by some odd stroke of coincidence, every time I turned on the TV or surfed the net, there was something invariably about India.

And I'm not referring to the ongoing reports from the Land Of Suess.

First, on TV last week, it was a program morbidly-titled '1,000 Places To See Before You Die" and it was an episode on New Delhi. Some of the must-sees (their word) included the Red Fort and the Taj Mahal, and the expansive market/bazaar that is the dili haat.

Then over the weekend, Jeremy Piven's travel across India (or parts of it) was on the Travel & Living channel, and given that he visited some of the locations that Stephen did, I could not help but tune in and watch the seemingly-irascible Mr Piven give in to the ways of a world far removed from the one that he was accustomed to. He seemed almost like a regular fella you could hang out with.

Maybe it was just the clever editing, but now I too want to be Jeremy Piven's friend. Or maybe it's because he was shirtless in Cochin.

Then, there was the Yahoo Underground report a few days ago about Bollywood Berkeley, the dance competition that's 'celebrating the loveliness of love and the manliness of men'. Another reason to visit California!

And finally, director Wes Anderson (The Royal Tennebaums) has got a brand new movie titled The Darjeeling Limited, an 'emotional comedy about 3 brothers re-forging family ties...by taking a trip across the vibrant and sensual landscape of India". The movie is slated to open in the US on September 29.

I have a love-hate relationship with Wes Anderson's movies. Or I might be a bit tired of Hollywood's ongoing exoticization of India.

Or maybe I should revisit India at some point. It's only been about 8 years (or more) since my last short visit. Is India calling? Or should I just get more cable channels?

Blue Monday

While my friend in India is finding his way back in the blue zone through meditation, I find myself awash in the blues this Monday. It is a distinct shade of blah.

Maybe it's that time of the month cos I really feel weighted down and sorta without a road map. The weekend was alright and I had a late Saturday, checking out indie rock bands and hanging out with friends til about 4 in the morning. But I wasn't all there. Yeah, yeah, feel the moment, the journey is the destination blah blah, get into the groove, cos you gotta prove your love to me...I was all over the place. Maybe it's time for a major defrag. Or just a good frag to take my mind off things.

On a lighter note, I saw this sign last night and thought, nice, now bisexuals have a lock made specifically for them...

Fluff On Friday

So it's almost the end of July and I've not watched any of the 'must-see' movies. But I am dead-keen to see what The Simpsons Movie has to offer.

The Simpsons have become the longest-running TV series (18 seasons, can you believe it?!) and this movie is long overdue.

And having Green Day do this cool version of the theme tune is pure icing. (Thanks, Stevie)



Music's newest overworked sensation Rihanna has just revealed her latest self-directed music video for the song 'Don't Stop The Music'. (For those who are keeping count, this is her 3rd vid in less than 3 months.)

The song is one of my faves of '07 but oh my god, the video should have been left to more capable hands. They couldn't get a hotter guy to dance with her? Weren't there better clothes to dress her in? What's up with the clapping? I'm still loving the album, though.

Ok, so her album's not gonna be out for, like 6 months or so, and already, the first leak has sprung from the New Madonna/Justin Timberlake project. It's apparently the bridge for 'Candy Shop', so you won't hear much but you get a flavour of the club sounds she's wisely sticking with.



And from the land of TV comes Pushing Daisies (ABC TV), one of the most hyped and promising new entries in the battle for eyeballs. It's got a super smart, bittersweet take on forbidden love, and it makes me swoon and aww just watching this trailer. Read what the New York Times has to say about Pushing Daisies.



Enjoy your weekend, people, and feel better soon, lady.

Half & Half

I was quite surprised to find out, only recently, that mixed marriages were technically illegal in the US until the Supreme Court ruled such a ban unconstitutional in 1967, in the landmark case of Loving versus Virginia. 1967? In the home of the brave and the land of the free?

See, I am a Chindian; my dad's Indian, and my mum's Chinese. Growing up, they were just Mum & Dad to me. Or rather, Mee and Dee (as in Mum-mee and Dad-dee. I still call them that today.) Race was never an issue in our household and as far as I can remember, we always had neighbours and friends of various racial and social backgrounds. My parents taught me to be aware of the different social customs and practices so that I would not inadvertently offend our guests when we went to visit. Simple, practical advice, yes?

As a child, I loved that my Saturdays were Chinese and my Sundays, Indian, ie. hanging out with the extended family. I loved that I celebrated both Chinese New Year and Deepavali. I loved that I was the darkest member of my Chinese family, and the fairest on my dad's side. I loved that I spoke 3 languages at home, and that I was welcomed everywhere. It didn't hurt that I was cute as hell...

One of my ongoing obsessions is seeking out other Chindians to see what they look like, to find out if they're more Chinese or Indian, or if they've found an interesting middle ground. I do this, I think, because unlike the Straits-born Chinese (my mum's people) who forged a unique 'hybridized' cultural identity, Chindians have not left behind any cultural heritage that's uniquely, well, Chindian.

Some of my friends think I'm weird and nosey for being so intent on discovering people's backgrounds. I guess, on some levels, it's just a curiosity about how we each find our way through life while juggling 2 (some might say) disparate identities in a noisy world.

And I know that people are people so why should it be, cos you and I should get along so awfully. Right?

ps: I have pharyngitis, not laryngitis. I'm much better today, thanks to drugs.

Michael Jackson Is The New Black

Over my laryngitis-flavoured weekend, Michael Jackson popped up on my radar so many times that I just had to write about him.

First, Anderson Cooper, CNN's august news anchor featured 2 online clips on his AC360 program. It was the weekend edition, so you know, they let their hair down a little.

First up, Thriller done in the style of a Tamil movie song-and-dance sequence - cheesy with a capital OMG!



Then, Thriller performed by a group of inmates in their prison yard in Cebu, in the Philippines. It involves a cast of hundreds (or would that be thousands?) and is totally fierce in it's commitment to the spirit of the original video.



And then, I come across this artist impression of what Michael Jackson would look like now if he hadn't had all the (alleged) surgery.


Not quite the thriller, huh? I'll be nice again tomorrow, if my laryngitis goes away.

Alive at 5?

So the big party that I planned to celebrate my 5th anniversary in KL sorta went down the toilet. I ended up in bed before midnight, sick with a fever brought on by the early onset of laryngitis.

But I did have a good Saturday, with my Bali photos appearing in the New Straits Times, like so (click for a bigger view):



Then there was a birthday dinner and drinks with some good friends later in the evening. It was a lovely get-together, with good food, good company and lots to drink. The topic of conversation alternated between the flippant (Why did my friend not want to kiss the shirtless rock-climber in East Malaysia?) to the downright serious...like my idea of pre-planning my funeral. Hear me out.

I had attended my uncle's funeral on Boxing Day last year, and his church had taken over everything to do with the funeral arrangements, from the flowers, the Bible readings, the hymns to be sung and right down to the eulogy. The church had consulted with my uncle's children, all of whom had converted, but I really felt bad for the rest of his immediate family (his siblings) who 1) were not Christian and 2) were not involved with any way besides turning up at the morning funeral. My uncle had converted to Chrisitianity in the last 2 years of his life, when he was already sick.

I had always remembered my uncle as the business man who would travel around the region. Whenever he came through Singapore, he would pop in to see my folks, and he would always give me some pocket money. He was strong, successful and and so cool.

Fast-forward 30 years or so and the man that was being eulogized was a total stranger to me. Sure, we had drifted over the years, but I was very put off by the church's 'use' of my uncle's death as a recruitment drive for the funeral attendees to 'be saved'. I understand that proselytizing is one of the tenets of the church, but come on, can we please be sensitive to the family's need to mourn first?

Which led me to decide that to avoid any drama, I will plan my own memorial /funeral service - I will decide what music will be played, what types of food will be served, what types of flowers will be used in the floral tributes and the full rundown for the day.

I know - what a control freak, right? But then again, if it's gonna be a celebration of my life, I would like to have some say in it.

Is this last night's vodka or this morning's laryngitis medication talking?

I'm Loving The Ladies!

Did you know that Annie Lennox will be releasing a new album titled "Songs Of Mass Destruction" on October 2?

The highlight of the album has got to be "Sing", a song that features vocal contributions from Madonna, Sarah McLachlan, Celine Dion, Pink, Gladys Knight, Fergie, kd lang, Faith Hill, Dido, Bonnie Raitt, Shakira, Anastacia, Joss Stone, KT Tunstall, among many more. The track will raise awareness and funding for the Treatment Action Campaign (TAC) - organizations fighting for human rights, education and health care for those affected by the HIV/AIDS virus.

I've always loved Annie Lennox and this makes me really wanna be her friend, if I don't explode from the diva overload first. Get more info on the cool lady's album here.

And speaking of Madonna, you might already know that she's working with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. I hear the album's out early next year, and the UK press have reported that the Sugababes were seen entering Madonna's recording studio, possibly to lay down some tracks with Aunty Madge, that crazy lady.

In related Madonna news, have you heard that Kylie Minogue has bagged her Confessions producer Stuart Price? So Kylie's new album (due out November 26) will be future-disco? We'll see. I loves me some Kylie but get someone new already, lady!

And Kanako Otsuji is possibly the bravest lady in Japan. She's living her life as honestly and openly as she can, and making a stand for it - go tell your friends about her. And then check out Stephen's "Gay Panic" post on his blog - forward it on to anyone you know who needs to read about little acts of courage.

And before you go, have you heard of The Wet Spots? Well, neither have I but this crazy video to the crazier song "Do You Take It" will keep the buzz on them going for while, I'm sure, whether you're a lady or not.

Happy Friday, folks.

Unwell...Well, Sorta

I've always loved how good song lyrics can say so much with so few words. Earlier tonight, over drinks with Sarah & Jien in Singapore, a Matchbox Twenty song came on and for some reason, the lyrics hit a nerve.

Maybe it's all the things that I've been feeling of late. Maybe it's the discomfort that comes with awareness of everything that I'm experiencing. Maybe it was just the vodka making me hear things. But in keeping it honest and honoring the moment, this corny-ass song from a few years back suddenly became my anthem for the night.

Matchbox Twenty? Speaking to me? Would not have happened 2 years ago. It's true what they say - time and distance can really make the difference.

Matchbox Twenty "Unwell"

All day, staring at the ceiling, making friends with shadows on my wall
All night, hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on, I'm feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
I don't know why

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be Me

Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

Lil' Bit

It makes me smile a lil' bit when I read profiles in personal ads that are, er, deep, like this - TEENAGE IS LIKE A LIBRARY AND I'M ONE OF THE BOOK IN IT...I'M CATEGORISED IN THE SECTION OF MYSTERY....IF YOU THINK YOU'RE THE RIGHT PERSON TO READ ME... OPEN ME AND FLIP EACH AND EVERY PAGES... ".

It grosses me out a lil' bit to read this story about how a rugby player's headache was caused by someone else's tooth stuck in his head.

I'm more than a lil' bit happy that The Simpsons are coming to a cinema near you, and that someone had the cojones and to do this in the name of promotions /publicity/a good laugh.

I'm a lil' bit tired from having only 4 hours of sleep each night over the past 3 nights. Maybe if I had these betel-nut flavoured condoms, I might have a lil' bit of fun and sleep better?

I feel a lil' bit odd reading about things in the land of Suess after having seen it first-hand for about a month.

It's a lil' bit interesting, this adjustment. Lil' bit.

Dysfunctional Distractions

This Saturday marks 5 years to the day that I arrived in KL from HK, and I've been thinking a lot about how best to celebrate this anniversary.

For a while, I thought I'd party hard in Singapore, but that would be like Brad Pitt hanging out with Jennifer Aniston on Angelina's birthday. That's a new level of dysfunction that even I cannot accept or condone.

So I guess it'll happen in KL. I'll have a few friends over and we'll see where the party takes us. Maybe we could all get silly and Simpsonize ourselves. That might be fun.

Or maybe we could discuss the impact of the Singapore government (finally) participating in a public discussion on decriminalizing gay sex. It's about time, I say, and it's not as if the repealing of the laws will see a sudden influx of gay men in Singapore, hell-bent on painting the town a brilliant pink and destroying all 'family values' that stand in their way. Mary, please - this is about living as honestly as you can without the fear of being treated unfairly.

Maybe we'll just veg out and check out the randomness that is the Teen Girls Squad. Random's always good, especially at a party where there's gonna be alcohol. And so much more.

And I'll bring my hot mouse along, just in case.

We Begin At Goodbye

I saw Stephen off at the airport earlier this evening as he made his return journey to India.

It was sad to see him go because I will miss having him around. I recognize the connection that we have, I know it to be special. I've not met anyone like him for long as I can remember. Plus, I enjoyed playing host and learning to share my space with him.

Just how do you say goodbye to a friend who, in 4 short weeks, has reminded you to trust your instincts, to let yourself go and to be more aware of the present, to enjoy every moment for what it is and what it can be, to appreciate that there are no absolutes and that it's OK (seriously), to see that everyone has a right to be loved, valued and honored, to understand that fear and insecurity are not bad words, to recognize that morose is not a good colour on me (or anyone for that matter), to enjoy ice cream and supper at 1 in the morning, to learn that working out mixed emotions doesn't mean going cold turkey, to allow that we are all works-in-progress and that it's perfectly alright, to be confident in my own skin, and to accept that a random lunch meet-up can lead to a deep and meaningful connection?

I'm not planning on saying goodbye so I don't have the answer. And I'm glad for it.

Friday The 13th

It's 9 days to my 5th year in KL, and unlike previous anniversaries, this year's seem to be resonating more loudly. And I'm actually paying attention.

From taking an unexpected holiday in Bali, to understanding how the attendant changes at work are just part and parcel of the process; from finally facing up to the truth about my feelings and insecurities, to seeing that I am surrounded by good people who do care and who are there for me - I'm learning to take it all in. And it's only taken me 5 years to understand and see it all more clearly.

I've always been a good student so I know that what I'm learning over the past few weeks will stay with me, inform my decisions and remind me that at the end of the day, it's all good. Heck, even a trip to Putrajaya was worth it.

From Putrajaya

On a day that's synonymous with bad luck, I've glad to say that I feel very fortunate for the friends that I've got, the people in my life who make the difference, and this full circle moment that I seem to find myself in.

So come join in, the door's open.

(PS: Check out my buddy Stephen's article in Malaysia's New Straits Times.)

Do The Write Thing

Earlier this evening, over dinner with my friends HS & SY, this blog became the topic of conversation. Well, more accurately, we talked about the things that I've been saying here.

SY told me that my blogging reminded her of the diary entries she made from about 5 years ago, when she was going through a particularly tough time with her then-boyfriend. SY said she used to go through nights where she would just write "Pain" or "It Hurts" or "Help Me" over and over again in her diary. She said this went on for pages and weeks at a time.

That's about the saddest thing I've ever heard, and I actually was thisclose to welling up, imagining someone feeling such despair that the only cry for help was unheard, unread and unknown.

I don't know if I can go through such private grieving. Or can I?

SY told me that she flips thru her diaries every now and again and smiles at how young and lost she was, and how having a record of her experience has given her a good perspective on where she's at today, and how much she's grown from those days. Oprah, and her journals, would be proud.

Will this blog serve that same purpose for me? Will I look back at this time and remember everything and smile fondly? Will I be grateful that I documented this so-called 'moment' in my own journey? Will I be proud that I tried to do the right thing?

And more importantly, will I ever get over my love affair with that alluringly confident Verdana font?

Random Bits

Yesterday had to be one of the randomest days I've had in a long time.

I accompanied my friend Stephen to do a voice-test at a production house just round the corner from my office. I had thought that they were gonna be casting voices for radio ads, or public service announcements - boy, was I wrong.

The casting was for an animated series, and they were looking for voices that sounded Middle-Eastern. For some reason, they thought that I wanted to audition as well, so Stephen and I ended up practicing our best 'character' voices in the lobby of this rather dodgy-looking office/studio before we went in to do the recording.

My audition was over in 3 minutes - apparently I had a good voice quality but lacked character 'meat'. Stephen was in that audio booth for much longer, which I think is a good thing. Chuck, the Teva-wearing director, must've liked what he heard. Tevas are evil.

I don't see a career in character voicing in my future, but it was interesting to have experienced this totally new and uncomfortable little episode. Much as I like clearly demarcated outlines, I'm constantly reminded that random can be good, especially if you have a partner in giggles.

In related random bits, I'm glad these kitties were saved, this story should be developed into a movie-of-the-week, and I don't see porno pizzas catching on in a big way.

Also, how bad was my hangover that I didn't even bother to check out Live Earth?

Same Same But Different

The Toba Trio - Mike, Maureen & Stephen - swung thru KL for a brief pit stop and it was so nice to see my friends again. Mike & Mo had about 2 hours in all before they had to head back to the airport to catch their flights to BKK & LA; Stephen was gonna be staying for a few extra days before returning to New Delhi.

From Friday In KL

This weekend's been eventful - from dinner at Bijan with Way Cheng and the posse (we sat in front of a Matt Lucas look-alike), to drinks at Frangipani, my misadventures in Party Central (see previous post), the recovery from hell (withholding included), meeting with Joan our editor (I love saying that), buying a new mobile phone, catching up with Richard & Sharon and trying out tuak for the first time.

Do I really have to go to back to work?

Make Yick Go Away

The day after the night before is usually pretty ugly. Cold sweats, failures to connect, throbbing headaches - in short, major discombobulation. Not pretty.

Usually, when my evening's not quite doing it for me, I pay and I leave. I head home. I try to avoid the drama. This past Friday night was different because I decided to stay on and hang out with yick.

I figured the escape act wasn't doing me any favours so why not just stick it out and revel in the feel-fest. Call me a masochist, but I wanted to see how long I could take the discomfort of awareness.

It didn't take long.

But I stuck it out, dragged my sorry ass to another club, confessed on that dance floor and eventually ended up having an early breakfast in some food court in some corner of KL at 4 in the morning (random karaoke included).

For someone who wasn't trying to escape, I sure as hell was doing a whole lot of avoiding.

Is it true that the yick that doesn't kill you actually makes you stronger?

Why can't the Sex And The City movie be here already?

Ouch

should i write thru the pain or do i sit here and zen the fuck out?

i'll wait.

Singapore Reconnect

I've had a full day of sorts in Singapore, meeting briefly with R&B singer Rihanna, who's in Singapore on a hectic promotional trip, and then doing some general catching up and downloading with friends over stiff drinks and sleepy dinners.

From Rihanna/Singa...

I head back to KL on the 8:30am flight. Why am I still up?

It's a bit of a ripe day for me so this is gonna be short one. I'll have more to say over the next few days.

Oh, and I got upgraded to the suite at the Scarlet Hotel. Speak to you soon.

Insomnia Or Far

My first day back at work wasn't too painful. Everything sorta went by in a comforting blur - we need you to sign these, can you approve this, have you seen these new publicity photos, are you going away again any time soon?

And I also met up with my friend Joan for a healthy dinner at an organic deli. I didn't care much for the fluorescent lighting but we had a yummy dinner and a lovely chat, catching up on what's happened in our lives over the 4 months or so since we last met. Joan's an editor for a local newspaper, and she gave me my first writing gig - love her!

Joan's also been a good witness to what I've gone thru in KL over these few years. I love hearing her say things like "You used to say..." or "I see how you've changed..." and it gives me a nice outside perspective on where I'm at.

I met Joan under the most fab of circumstances - we were at the opening of the Dior flagship store in HK, a thoroughly swanky affair that HK's so known for. I love that we made such a deep connection at an ostensibly showy and shallow event. Good people find each other, I say.

I told her about my past 3 weeks and also about my newly-invigorated conviction to reset to HK-mode Jeff, ie. to not pre-empt or censor my feelings and let things happen, learn what I need to, and grow from it. Man, it's been a while.

So I'm insomniac again and decided to go thru the Suess blog before bed, starting from the very beginning. I'm only half-way into his travels across India and already I'm overwhelmed by this man's openness to seeing, experiencing and accepting everything that comes his way. The fact that he's just as passionate now, 9 months into his journey, as when he started, is truly a testament to his quest.

I know I'll work through these mixed feelings that I have. It's just not the best feeling in the world at the moment.

In possibly related news, I'm loving the new spin on this hit song.